Reviews that took a month, not an afternoon

Zenday App: the first tracker that knows what a dose is

The only app built around the real GLP-1 problem — protein on a suppressed appetite, and the week after a dose increase. One unpublished claim keeps it off the low nineties.

Sleepio: the most rigorously tested app in consumer health

26 clinical trials, 18 of them randomised, including a placebo-controlled RCT. The highest score we have given anything — and you probably can't just buy it.

Cronometer: the most accurate food database you can buy

USDA and NCCDB sourcing, staff-verified entries, 84 nutrients on the free tier. The more accurate product is also the cheaper one.

Headspace: the most-studied meditation app

Fourteen randomised trials against a competitor's one — half of them carrying a company conflict of interest.

Function Health: 114 biomarkers, and about six false alarms

The best data-per-dollar in consumer blood testing, attached to a results screen that doesn't tell you six flags were expected.

Calm: the best sleep content, the thinnest evidence

One published randomised trial, and the category's best sleep library. Know which of those you're buying.

MyFitnessPal: the world's food log, and its weakest link

Fastest logging in the category. Poor peer-reviewed validity across energy, carbs, protein, sugar, fibre and cholesterol.

Oura App 5.0: the quiet one still wins

Best-in-class sleep staging, a readiness score that finally explains itself, and a membership fee that stings a little less than it used to.

Whoop MG: brilliant coach, brutal contract

The strain model is the best in the business. The cancellation flow is the worst thing we tested all quarter.

Zoe: £300 of science, £300 of vibes

The test kit is real research. The app that follows is a food-scoring game that can't quite tell you why.